I
remember the beginning very well, I only
wish I was changed mentally in a twinkling
of an eye.
I know I was changed spiritually
and immediately taken up into His Kingdom
on that day back in 1996. I
know now, there are many lessons to be
learned, most by suffering in my own free
will. I have learned to obey my Father, not because I have to but
because I want to.
I know a 'YES' means nothing unless
a 'NO' is possible. Life has taught
me that there is no lasting joy or peace
except in the Lord Jesus.
In
1996, I confessed with my mouth that I
needed a savior, but I was only about 7
years old when I believed in my heart.
I remember sitting in some little
Sunday school class in my hometown. “The
man on the felt board” seemed so nice
and kind.
I knew I loved him then.
I just knew he loved me so very
much.
He introduced Himself to me fully,
in my time of innocence.
As a boy I would never forget my
heart's feelings towards this man they
called Jesus.
I truly was part of Him on that day
many years ago.
I
recall that night in 1996 I woke up to
reality, loneliness and devastation all
around me.
I had destroyed countless lives due
to my way of life.
I remember that, I was standing or
laying in a dark part of the parking lot
or a sidewalk as I looked up and saw the
Lord.
He was at the top of a huge and
beautiful staircase.
The
Lord was Light, and Love came out of Him
that I could not explain.
I wanted to be forgiven for my sins
and He forgave me. I spoke to the Lord for the first time in many years.
I said, with my mind, “I wanted
to go and be with him”.
The Lord said to me He had things
He wanted me to do and my time had not yet
come.
The communication between the Lord
and I continued. I don't remember what was
said, I do remember the communication was
without words and was very quickly
“spoken”.
The
next night as I slept I had a dream.
I looked across a vast dark place
and I was looking at Satan and I could
hear the yelling of Satan in the form of a
wicked man.
Satan was furious and wanted me to
go back to him. I say the cross and the
blood of Jesus was all over me and I could
hear Jesus telling me of His love for me.
And then I saw the nice, kind man I
loved many years back dying before my
eyes. He said to me He loves me so
much He is dying for me and that I should
never fear the “sword of the enemy”.
Jesus told me He had defeated my
enemy.
As my Lord spoke to me without
words, the wicked and vulgar shouts of
Satan got softer and softer.
I wanted to thank my Lord but words
couldn't come to my lips, only love in my
heart.
The love that was directed toward
me as my Lord “spoke”; was a love far
beyond my mind.
I know only that His Love is a
Great Love and His Love would see me
through all the suffering I was to go
through as I started learning to walk the
walk, and talk the talk that the Holy
Spirit commands.
I
awoke from the dream that morning and
asked Jesus, “officially” to come into
my heart. I didn't look any different when I stepped in front of the
mirror that morning, but little did I know
that this was a work God would continue
for the rest of my earthly life.
He had my permission to lead and
direct the path I would walk. I had said, “'Yes', Lord”; when I could have said no.
I had been changed spiritually, the
angels were glad to have me in His
Kingdom.
I would learn how to be His son, He
would teach me and mold me, as I am only
an empty vessel for His use.
Jesus
came into my heart and now I am righteous
before God my Father; not because of
something I did but because of all Jesus
has done for me.
For you see, it is not about me, it
is about the work the Lord has done with
me.
The
process of change is slowly ongoing out of
necessity.
This process involves a daily
surrender to pride for the “prize”; of
the change: ”Lord give me the desires of
my new heart”.
I suffer in the flesh to die daily.
I am in battle with my own free
will, my “mind battle” that I call the
“committee”.
In
this battle which is the Lord's anyway, I
sin and fall into condemnation, and am
then unproductive for the Father's
Kingdom.
Satan is aware of my shortcomings;
knows how to shut me up. God knows
that guilt is the most powerfully
crippling force to His children. Guilt
is the “Sword of the enemy”.
Guilt leads me to ask, ”Am I
really forgiven, if I fall and sin at
times?”
One
day in 1996, I met with my Pastor, a
meeting scheduled by the Holy Spirit. We talked and he explained
about the forgiveness that God provides.
I now understand that the Lord lets
me know His forgiveness is complete and
forever!
I then respond to him, not to
remain in sin, but because of His Great
Love I am convicted to love Him more.
I will say, “Lord I remember you
suffered and died so I can be free from my
own condemnation”. I want to do what He wants me to do, this is where the Joy,
Peace and Serenity are hidden!
There
is a writing to explain it, but it is not
on a tablet of stone, nor on a page of the
Bible, nor by the hand of a man.
The nice, kind man I knew I loved,
way back many years ago, had written the
writing upon my heart.
The Love Letter on my heart says,
“I love you son, no matter what you
do.” And I know, that I know, that “I
love Him because He first loved me”.
I am here to do His bidding until I
am called Home.
Some of the cant’s I have been able
to say God has taken away.
My list went like this.
I can't quit drinking
I can’t stop using drugs
I can't quit smoking
I can't give up picking up girls
I can’t stop viewing pornography
I can’t help others
I can’t be honest
I can’t stop lying
I can’t carry the message to others
I can't give my life to someone else
There were about a hundred other cant's
in that list.
But one night God told me I would
die if I continue using.
That scared me so much I started to
pray that He would take using away from
me.
God took one thing after another, till
I can say it is not impossible for God to
do anything.
Just ask him to take the trash out of
your life.
Jesus is always ready to help.
He
is indeed the only way.
Manny,
Humble Servant Ready to do his bidding!
Celebrating
Twelve (12) Years of Spiritual Sobriety
***
February 29, 1996 ***
Accountability
Property
of Wings Of Eagles Recovery©
